just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
