Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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