She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
