Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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