imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
