I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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