I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
