I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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