have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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