a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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