You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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