her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
