My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
