come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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