If i come over, it means nothing
her vagine was all disorganized.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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