The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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