So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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