in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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