I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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