why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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