Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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