I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
