Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Randomize
