drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
