I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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