Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We have started to decorate penises.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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