i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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