apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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