I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
