She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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