all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
