Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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