apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
