he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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