Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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