So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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