i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
