another moral hangover. fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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