why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
