How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
