New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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