I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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