I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
