This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
