I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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