Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
