What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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