He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
