I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
