strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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