Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize