New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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