I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
