Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize