If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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