He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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