this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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