you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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