ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize