I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
