"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
