Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
