i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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