My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
