Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
