i just had sex bonerless
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize