i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
