Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
