I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
