We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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