Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
