I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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