He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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