chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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