I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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