That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Houston, we have a blender
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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