I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
