is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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