U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
