Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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