Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
