I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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