I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
