You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
