operation harelip BJ is a go
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
