I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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