After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
