I just saw a hot homeless man
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
