Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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