Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
