Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
