i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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