I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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