where am i from again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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