Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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