he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
