I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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